The Life Lessons of a Diplomat's Wife: Protocols, Responsibilities, Living All Over the World, and Helping Global Communities
“Little did I know that moving to Ramallah was going to give me the greatest and most rewarding personal change. Due to our common oriental customs and traditions, I was able to really relate to the women of Palestine. We are the backbone of our societies and are committed to moving our people forward.” Today’s woman dreamer, Shalini Ahlawat, is accomplished in her own life. Before moving around the world as a wife of a diplomat, she lived her own life adventure. As a child, she moved around India as both her parents were in the Department of Atomic Energy. Shalini holds various high-level degrees including Maritime Trade from Queen Mary College in London, and has worked for 8 years as a shipbroker with a maritime shipping company. She has lived in 3 continents, visited more than 30 countries, and lived in multiple cities, include Cairo, London, Beirut, and Ramallah. In 2009, Shalini’s destiny called and she changed direction and chose to become a wife, mother, and representative of India as a diplomat’s wife. “As a wife of a diplomat, it is my job to nobly project my national image and to be humbled in the world of diplomacy." In this exciting and captivating story, Shalini shares the life lessons she has learned as the wife of a diplomat, the protocols and responsibilities, and how she seeks to help global communities.
1) Tell us your story. What are some of your interests and passions?
I have always dreamed big in Life! Life has equally been kind and bestowed upon me HIS grace in this journey which is more of a motley celebration cherished with beautiful moments. I have always been a woman who has been living on the edge. As a child, I have travelled various cities across the country and garnered numerous cultures, foods and weather. All thanks to my parents who were both working in Department of Atomic Energy in the Government of India.
Exploring my adventurous side, I worked in a reputed maritime shipping company for almost a decade, enhancing my skillsets in negotiation, ship-brokerage, international business relationship, etc. This exposure has helped me to differentiate among things, applying discretionary judgement in my journey of life thereby leading me to take up new challenges in Life!
“On the contradictory side, I had to sacrifice my energetic and established career and live a life of glamorous lady, a balanced housewife, loving mother, a dignified host, an omniscient who can fuel discussion on various topics and still remain calm and poised with everyone. ”
In 2009 I got married to Mr. Sunil Kumar, an Indian Diplomat. I was totally in for this new challenge to take up as his wife, a mother and representing India with all the zeal and excitement. On the contradictory side, I had to sacrifice my energetic and established career and live a life of glamorous lady, a balanced housewife, loving mother, a dignified host, an omniscient who can fuel discussion on various topics and still remain calm and poised with everyone. Having said so, the journey no doubt has enriched me to travel three continents and more than 30 countries starting with Cairo in Egypt- “The City of a Thousand Minarets”! It was really exciting as I had just become a mother of 4 months old son, filled with mixed emotions.
When my husband first received notice that we were moving to Cairo, I was excited. Hey, who does not love traveling around the world? Before being a diplomat’s wife I had traveled around the world, this was just another place to learn about. So I packed up my new family, I had just given birth to my beautiful son and set off for a new adventure
2) As the wife of an Indian diplomat, you have lived all over the world: Cairo, Beirut, and London. What did you learn from living in each city and from their unique cultures? How do you keep up with the different protocols/requirements of each place?
So my journey of a diplomat’s wife started from Cairo where I was initially juggling through a roller coaster ride in being a caring & protective mother, understanding the diplomatic protocols, and an unexpected political disturbance. We were there during the Arab Spring and the Millennium March in Tahrir Square. It was a turmoil situation in Cairo, however, knowing myself I was unfazed and was rather inquisitive to see the outcome of the great change or revolution . It was terrifying to acknowledge that we were cut off from the entire world for a few days, witnessing tanks rolling over the streets and Egyptian F-16 fighter jets flying low in the sky, This was an experience which will always stay deeply engraved in my heart, witnessing a world-changing event! This event actually opened my eyes to believe that when you stay united and believe for what you want, anything is possible. I am a person who loves listening to people speak their heart and soul out, and if I could help them in whichever way, it gives me immense happiness within.
“It was a dream come true to see the world’s longest river “The River Nile”
Even in the midst of all such chaos, I could manage to please my vagabond soul over a visit to Great Pyramid at Giza, how could I miss one of the seven wonders of the world after coming from the land of Taj Mahal in India. It ignited my love to appreciate the most beautiful architecture and equally relishing it with their traditional cuisine called “Kushari - made of macaroni noodles, rice and lentils.” It was a dream come true to see the world’s longest river “The River Nile” - a blessing in the dry conditions, creating a fertile green valley across the desert. Overall, the tenure at Cairo went off well as I could relate to their culture as there were many parallels that could be made between the Egyptian and the Indus Valley Civilization.
“As life moves on so do we. Our next destination was Beirut, the capital of Lebanon.”
Just when you think that you are settling down as per that place, there comes the announcement to our next destination. The whole process of mentally unwinding yourself and then readjusting to the new place is cumbersome. However, as life moves on so do we. Our next destination was Beirut, the capital of Lebanon. The curious cat that I am after experiencing a great change in Cairo, I wanted to know about the political situation and needless to say, the media didn’t disappoint me. I must admit that I was slightly nervous but when we moved in and started meeting people, exploring places and experimenting their rich cuisines, I was pleasantly amazed and coin it - My Paradise!
The French colony it was, does reflect in its art and fashion, an amalgamation of East and West and its tradition with modernity makes it an apt to be termed as “The Paris of the Middle East”!! The beautiful vistas of snowcapped mountains and cliffs engulfing the Mediterranean Sea gives Beirut a romantic and dreamlike sensation. My love for food took me to explore the most authentic Lebanese cuisine such as pita bread, or falafel, humus, etc. which are world renowned. I was lucky to go through the recipes at most traditional places and pleased my inner chef’s palate. After my experience in Egypt, I could quickly adopt the cross-culture of the Middle Eastern countries in panache.
We then got the news of our next posting to London- my beloved London!! Not only that, I was moving to Mayfair, the central, poshest area of London which I had always awed and loved since my school days. And to top it up like the icing on the cake, I had hosted parties and dinners to the most powerful and influential celebrities. This is definitely one of the perks of being a wife of a diplomat and was appreciating it more so after my previous 2 posting. This phase is no doubt my most satisfying tenure as meeting people who has authority to take responsible actions towards change in society norms or in their respective field was encouraging. I did realize how my voice was heard and made a lot of impact in bringing positive changes in the society . It gave me confidence to spread my wings and do something for the mankind and hence pushed me to start my philanthropic work. Since I had lived here before, I was familiar with its breeze, its sudden rains, Queen’s English, and imbibed the culture straight from the word go as India was once a time a British Colony too. I could feel my heartbeat strongly with the pulse of London- right from Buckingham Palace to Piccadilly Square, I had the world at my fingertips.
Cairo was our first posting and it ended up being an unexpected adventure. We were there during the Arab Spring and the Millenium March in Tahrir Square. It was an exciting experience to be in Egypt during a time of great change. Even though we were cut off from the entire world for a few days, and we witnessed tanks rolling the streets and F-16’s low flying in the sky, experiencing a world-changing event, was something I will never forget. I watched as the Egyptian people stood up for what they believed in, and I am a person who thinks that people should speak up when they need change. I also enjoyed visiting the pyramids and eating the tasty food called kushari. It was a dream come true to see the Nile River and try kushari, two unique Egyptian gifts that I learned about from my childhood. It was easy to adapt to the culture as there were many parallels between the Egyptian Civilization and the Indus Valley Civilization.
“ It really is the “Paris of the Middle East.” The beautiful vistas of snowcapped mountains and cliffs ending at the Mediterranean Sea give Beirut a romantic and dreamlike feel.”
After two years we picked up and moved to our next adventure in Beirut. I have to admit, I was nervous. The media made Beirut seem like a dangerous place to bring my young family. However, I was pleasantly surprised that it was more like a paradise. It really is the “Paris of the Middle East.” The beautiful vistas of snowcapped mountains and cliffs ending at the Mediterranean Sea give Beirut a romantic and dreamlike feel. I loved eating the Middle Eastern food. I fed off the energy of the people and the place. Culturally, it was easy to adapt after spending time in Egypt. The cultural expectations of how to behave in a Middle Eastern country was cross-cultural.
We then got the most exciting post ever! I was moving back to my beloved London. Not only that, I was moving to Mayfair, the central, posh, area of London that I loved from my school days. However, this time I was no student. I was hostess to many powerful and influential celebrities. This is definitely one of the perks of being a wife of a diplomat. Meeting people who have the power and privilege to change the world, and voicing my ideas on how to make positive changes was one of the highlights of my experiences as a wife of a diplomat. Adjusting to culture in London was a breeze, I had lived there before as a student, I already spoke the language, and as India was once a British colony, many of the cultural expectations I learned from childhood. I felt my heartbeat strongly with the pulse of London. From Buckingham Palace to Piccadilly Square, I had the world at my fingertips.
3) Your husband is currently serving as the Representative of India to the State of Palestine. India just recently contributed 1 Million USD for Palestinian refugess through his leadership, and has sent essential resources throughout the pandemic. What has the experience been like living in Palestine?
Moving to Palestine was a whole different game. Again, I was nervous to leave the comfort and safety of London for a new city, especially one that is negatively portrayed on the news. Little did I know that moving to Ramallah was going to give me the greatest and most rewarding personal change. Now that my son is older, I can focus more on humanitarian and social work. I can truly say that despite all odds, all the negative circumstances and a country still not having gained its full independence, I found the people of Palestine to be one of the most intellectual, inspirational nations I came across. The warmth and hospitality I received in Palestine are unmatched. The similarities between our two societies stem from the cultures that are steeped in traditions, rituals and obligations We share parallel journeys as wives and mothers. Due to our common oriental customs and traditions, I was able to really relate to the women of Palestine. We are the backbone of our societies and are committed to moving our people forward. This binds me to these people and has enriched my life.
4) What are the responsibilities of a diplomat's wife? What are some observations you have made about foreign policy and relations from a woman's perspective?
As the wife of a diplomat I have many responsibilities. We dedicate our time and efforts to best represent our countries. Sometimes we have to set aside our own dreams and aspirations, as well as recognition of our own educational and professional accomplishments in order to follow our husbands around the world. We may not have official acknowledged titles, but we always have the best intentions at heart and a desire to honor our origins and homeland. One aspect that we must hold onto is our own identity. Even if we travel from place to place, we have to remain proud of our heritage. As a wife of a diplomat, it is my job to nobly project my national image and to be humbled in the world of diplomacy.
5) You have done a lot of philanthropy and social work as well. You recently visited a refugee camp and do lots of meaningful work with refugees, and once tweeted how the U.N inspired you to help make the world a better place. What is a cause you are most passionate about, and what are some projects you have worked on that you are most proud of?
Social outreach to local communities has always been my focus. In Palestine, I have visited cities, towns, villages, refugee camps, and even remote hamlets. I am a firm believer that development should stem from the basis of any society with a clear focus on the less fortunate individuals and marginalized areas. In this regard, my priority was, is, and will remain directed towards the less fortunate. The case in Palestine is quite unique. An observer can immediately witness the contradictions between areas and localities. For example, in a place like Ramallah, you get the sense of western liberal society with all aspects of modernity, but just less than 5 kilometres away, in a place like Jalazoun Refugee Camp, you’ll witness the hardships and difficulties of the conditions in which Palestinian refugees live under. Despite all the contradictions and differences, I was amazed to witness genuine equality in the roles of Palestinian women in all aspects of life and the responsibilities and duties they carry out in their society.
It is a moral duty, to not only help or extend occasional assistance, but to make sure that the people receive equal opportunities in development and education that lead them to a dignified life, and in return make them capable of contributing in assisting others in their societies. The real goal should be sustainability. In any society, women from its foundation due to the roles and duties performed by them. We are the wives and the mothers that sow the seeds of the upbringing of future generations. We are the real architects that structure the futures of our nations. In other words, if women receive the proper opportunities in education, development and empowerment, then it’s a guarantee that our societies, as a whole, would be healthy, prosperous and progressive.
6) As a #Dreamcatchers platform, we have to ask, what is your next big dream?
“The reason I say this is because in India’s patriarchal society, it is considered the pious obligation of a son is to take care of their parents at old age and is looked up as a breadwinner of the family, however, the girl child is treated as a liability and hence always neglected. This brings me to start a small dream project on scholarship program for the girls to take care of their school tuition fees and books. ”
Dreams are meant to keep you awaken. As Swamiji Vivekananda, a Hindu Monk once said “Arise! Awake! And Stop not till the goals are reached”. I would be returning home soon, i.e. India. I would definitely want to pack all my experiences to enrich and enhance the people of my homeland. It is wonderful to be able to help people abroad, but it is even more rewarding to help one's own countrymen. This would give me an opportunity to serve the society which has given me so much whether it is women’s career or children’s education and nutrition. The reason I say this is because in India’s patriarchal society, it is considered the pious obligation of a son is to take care of their parents at old age and is looked up as a breadwinner of the family, however, the girl child is treated as a liability and hence always neglected. This brings me to start a small dream project on scholarship program for the girls to take care of their school tuition fees and books. The education lays the foundation of each individual to stand on its own feet and live the dream I am living. I have witnessed in most other developed countries that the Government takes care of entire child’s education or even till primary levels which is unlike in India. Hence, I am just a step away from my next dream!! As I live by the moments and again ready to take up the next challenge as “Life is about the journey, not the destination!” Here I come India, please hold my hand and let’s fly together!
“This is my big dream; I want these girls to have the same opportunities that I was blessed with and to be able to dream big!”
I have so many big dreams for my future. My next big dream is to return home to my beloved India. I want to bring back with me everything that I have learned on my journey as a wife of a diplomat and use my experiences to enrich and enhance the people of my homeland. It is wonderful to be able to help people abroad, but it is even more rewarding to help one's own countrymen. For me, I find self-fulfilment in working with those who need the most help in society, children, women and the elderly. I want to focus on women’s empowerment. The first way to empower women is to start by educating them as girls. In India, families with limited financial resources first use their money to educate their sons, often girls receive little to no quality education. I would like to set up scholarships to supply girls with books, school fee and education when they cannot afford it on their own. This is my big dream; I want these girls to have the same opportunities that I was blessed with and to be able to dream big!
Thank you Shalini for Sharing Your Exciting and Beautiful Story with Us. We are honored to have you in our empowered women’s network!
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